IS A NIGHT NURSE WORTH IT?
When I found out I was pregnant, one of the first things my husband and I considered was whether or not we’d get a night nurse. Upon asking other parents about it, we quickly realized it was a bit of a polarizing topic. The parents who used one sang praises about it. Those who didn’t thought it was too unfamiliar, expensive, or pretentious. Others wanted to handle the middle-of-the night care themselves as a rite of passage. And then there were those who had never heard of a night nurse!
For our family, we ultimately felt like getting a night nurse was the right decision so I’m here to talk about my personal experience in case you want some perspective in making the decision for yourself!
THE 24/7 NEWBORN CYCLE
Before we dive in, let me paint a picture for you. The first few weeks of your baby’s life is basically a 24/7 cycle of the following routine:
The steps from wake up to soothe can sometimes take up to a whole hour. When your baby sleeps, you take your break, but it’s next to impossible to plan anything because your baby’s nap length is unpredictable. It could be 2 hours. It could also be 20 minutes. When you do get a break, it’s spent taking care of a basic need like sleeping, laundry, showering, or shoveling food in your mouth because it could be your only chance to do so within the next few hours. Sometimes your baby will throw a wrench in things and decide they want to fuss instead of sleep until the cycle starts all over again (there goes your break!). Imagine doing that 24/7 for several weeks in a row while running on fumes. No wonder some families seek extra support.
THE LOGISTICS OF A NIGHT NURSE
WHAT IS A NIGHT NURSE?
Depending on the state you live in, they may be called night nurses, night nannies, baby nurses, or newborn care specialists. To put it simply, a night nurse stays at your house overnight to take care of your baby during the newborn stage so you can take a load off.
WHAT DOES A NIGHT NURSE DO FOR YOU?
Pretty much anything baby-related, including diaper changes, bathing, feeding, burping, soothing, laundry, sterilizing bottles, and tidying the nursery. Having taken care of numerous newborns, our night nurse was able to give us baby care tips and answer our newbie parent questions. She was educated in sleep training so she helped teach our baby how to sleep through the night. She also provided emotional support and would check in on us via text whenever she was off. After all, empathy and kind words of encouragement can be what you most need during this challenging time.
WHEN WOULD YOUR NIGHT NURSE COME OVER?
Ours came Sunday-Thursday from 7pm-7am. Initially we did Friday instead of Sunday but realized Sunday made more sense for my husband because it was a work night for him.
5 nights a week worked well for us. We loved having help for most of the week, but we also got to build our confidence in taking care of the baby overnight ourselves when our night nurse was off.
HOW SOON DID YOUR NIGHT NURSE START?
Ours started the second night our daughter was home, but they should be available to start as soon as the day you come home.
HOW LONG DO YOU NEED A NIGHT NURSE FOR?
We used ours for 4 months. By the time our daughter was 3.5 months old, she was sleeping from 8pm-5am routinely. We could have stopped using the night nurse at that point (and maybe even at 3 months) but decided to gradually wean ourselves off. We did 3 nights a week for our last two weeks with her.
WHAT DID YOUR NIGHTLY ROUTINE LOOK LIKE?
Upon her arrival, our night nurse would go through our daughter’s bedtime routine: bath, fresh diaper and outfit, milk (I’d usually nurse), swaddle, and sleep. If my daughter was lucky, she’d get a lavender oil massage after bath time. The night nurse and baby would then hang out in the nursery with the lights off for the rest of the night.
Whenever it was time to feed the baby, the night nurse would change her diaper, bring her to me to nurse, then take her back to burp, swaddle, and put her back to sleep.
Right before the night nurse left at 7am, she’d wheel the baby in her bassinet to my side of the bed so she’d be next to me when it would be time to nurse again.
WHAT DID YOUR NIGHT NURSE DO WHILE THE BABY WAS ASLEEP?
If there were any baby-related tasks she could help out with, like folding laundry, that would be her first priority. We didn’t have many chores for her to do so she mostly chilled out in the nursery and monitored the baby. She’d bring an iPad to entertain herself but after midnight would usually sleep when the baby slept. We didn’t have a bed in the nursery so she brought her own cot.
HOW DID YOU MANAGE FEEDING YOUR BABY WITH A NIGHT NURSE?
Anytime you want to bottle feed the baby in the middle of the night, the night nurse will do it all so you don’t have to wake up for it. Some moms want their baby bottle fed throughout the entire night so they can get a full night of sleep (and boy, are they getting bang for their buck with a night nurse!).
I chose to nurse in the middle of the night because I wanted my daughter to drink breastmilk instead of formula, and I didn’t want to use up my (very limited) daytime breaks pumping milk to build up a stash for nighttime feedings.
The night nurse kept track of when the baby needed to be fed so that, in itself, was one less thing I had to think about when she was around. Whenever it was time to nurse, the night nurse would lightly knock on our bedroom door. I’d turn on my bedside nightlight and let her know she could come in. She’d hand the baby to me and left the room while I nursed. I’d text her to let her know I was done, and she’d take the baby back. The night nurse took care of any pre- and post-nursing tasks. My husband sleeps like a rock so he never woke up during any of this.
BENEFITS OF A NIGHT NURSE
1. HOPE
You will have those days where you feel like you’ve lost all sense of freedom and are fed up from the monotony and unpredictability of taking care of a newborn. You will have those frustrating days where your little one is inconsolable for hours on end. I vividly remember at least two times when I broke down and cried out of sheer exhaustion. It happens to the best of us. On many days, the only thing that kept me sane was knowing there was a light at the end of the tunnel at 7pm when our night nurse would show up on our door step and save the day.
2. EXTRA SLEEP
I never had to get out of bed in the middle of the night and only had to be awake long enough to nurse (20 minutes on average). The night nurse took care of all the pre- and post-nursing tasks. Remember, if you’re doing all of this on your own, you’ll probably be awake for an hour then sleep for only 90 minutes before you’re going through the cycle again. I may have still been sleep-deprived from waking up several times a night to nurse, but any extra minute of sleep I could get was heaven. My husband would get full nights of sleep so he was really cashing in on the deal.
3. BETTER QUALITY SLEEP
Whenever the baby slept in our room, I was always a little on edge, paranoid about every sound she’d make, wondering if it was time to nurse again anytime she’d fidget. I’d have to set jarring alarms to make sure I didn’t miss the next nursing session. When our night nurse was at our house, it was her job to monitor the baby and feeding times so I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that. That meant undistracted sleep for me.
4. SLEEP TRAINING
Our night nurse used a gentle gradual approach where, as the baby got older, the longer she would wait to wake her between feedings. By the time she stopped working for us, our daughter was sleeping independently through the night. Having known babies who didn’t sleep through the night until almost a year old, sleep training was one of the best long-term investments in a night nurse.
FYI, in conjunction with a night nurse, we used the guidelines in Taking Cara Babies to sleep train. You can read my Taking Cara Babies review here.
5. ESTABLISHMENT OF ROUTINE
Have you ever felt so tired that any sense of organization goes out the window because you’re just trying to get through the next hour? Our night nurse helped enforce routine in our daughter’s life by doing the same bedtime routine every night and going through the same steps every time she’d wake up. I think the more consistently you behave, the more consistently your baby will behave. Babies thrive on consistency and starting them young builds good habits. It’s nice as a parent to have any ounce of predictability during a time in which so many things feel out of your control.
6. NEWBORN EXPERT IN YOUR HOME
You can go to all the baby care classes you want during your pregnancy, but you’ll still be unsure of yourself when doing something for the first time on a real newborn. As first time parents, we had the advantage of in-person guidance on things like how to bathe our baby, where to apply diaper cream, etc.
7. ME TIME
Once the night nurse arrived, I had time to take a walk, shower, cook, and do basically anything without disruption. My husband could decompress a little after work instead of being thrown into the trenches of baby care for the rest of the night. This was so important for us to maintain our mental wellness.
8. INVESTMENT IN OUR MARRIAGE
The reality of caring for a newborn is that the stress compounded by lack of sleep will test your marriage. During this time, we were edgy when we were overtired. We bickered. We held resentments. But having a night nurse allowed us the quality time we needed to refill our marriage cup. We could spend our evenings having uninterrupted conversation, watching TV together, and playing board games. We made it a point to dine out at least once a week. Take advantage of the extra time you gain with the night nurse to continue dating your partner.
9. INVESTMENT IN OUR FAMILY
With a night nurse, we had one well-rested dad and a half-rested mom instead of two depleted parents. Therefore, my husband and I were generally more mentally and physically available for housework and baby duties. Instead of feeling burned out and selfish about our free time, we could maintain a teamwork mentality and show up as our best selves for each other and our baby.
HIRING A NIGHT NURSE
HOW MUCH DOES A NIGHT NURSE COST?
The typical range is $20-35/hr. Our night nurse said her rates depend on a few factors, including her commute, how many days a week you want her, and if you have multiples. If you go through an agency, expect to pay on the higher side because they take a cut.
WHAT SHOULD YOU LOOK FOR IN A NIGHT NURSE?
You’ll probably have your own personal preferences, but these are three that I think are non-negotiables:
- Ensure that your night nurse is a certified newborn care specialist. In order to become a night nurse, you have to go through a formal training program with hands-on experience and pass a test to get certified. Beware of the fact that sometimes people advertise themselves as “night nurses” when really they’re just non-formally trained babysitters willing to watch your baby overnight.
- I felt most comfortable with someone who was certified in infant CPR.
- Ask for references and talk to previous families they have worked for. This could really help you assess whether their style is a good fit for your family.
HOW DO YOU FIND A NIGHT NURSE?
- If you have friends who have used a night nurse they liked, that’s always a good go-to because that night nurse is vouched for by people you trust. If that night nurse isn’t available, ask her if she knows any other night nurses she’d recommend.
- If your neighborhood has a moms or nannies Facebook group, that’s a good place to throw a line. You’ll get responses from moms who can vouch for their own former night nurses. Most moms in my neighborhood’s Facebook group are awesome about sharing recommendations and talking to you about their own personal experiences.
- You can go through an agency. Just keep in mind that they’ll likely charge you a higher rate and possibly a placement fee. They also might make you sign a contract you that gives you less flexibility in your arrangement.
WHEN SHOULD YOU START LOOKING FOR A NIGHT NURSE?
The earlier, the better! We started looking 3 months before our due date, and two out of the three we reached out to were already booked up. Night nurses secure jobs well in advance to ensure they have continuous work.
CONCLUSION
SHOULD YOU GET A NIGHT NURSE?
A night nurse could be for you if you:
- Dread waking up multiple times a night and running on fumes for weeks
- Can make it work financially
- Think it will help you show up as your best self for your family
I thought it was a great value. Whenever I ask other night nurse families if they thought it was worth it, the answer is always a resounding, “YES!”.
On the other hand, some parents embrace the challenge and want to experience the sleepless nights as a badge of honor. If that’s truly fulfilling to you, that’s awesome, and I think you’re an inspiration! I am also fully aware that having a night nurse is a privilege that many families simply don’ t have the budget for. If you fall in either of these categories, rest assured, billions of parents in the history of modern parenthood have raised newborns without a night nurse. I would never tell anyone that a night nurse is a necessity.
IMPORTANT END NOTE
I feel passionately about the following: Fear of judgement is not a good reason to not get a night nurse. Don’t ever let someone make you feel guilty for getting the help you want or need. I personally believe human babies were meant to be raised by tribes, but our current culture makes us want to make things hard on ourselves. But you know what? You have nothing to prove. Having a night nurse does not make you a worse parent. It does not make you bougie, lazy, or inadequate.
Night nurse or not, the best parent is the one who recognizes what’s best for their situation and does what they think is best for their child, no matter what that looks like.
